Happy Belated Scorpio Season, Fellow Scorps!

Dates: October 22 – November 21

Your Ruling Planets: Pluto and Mars

Your Ruling Symbols: A Scorpion and a Phoenix. Tis’ true. We’ll speak to this

Your Ruling Element: Water, which makes you emotional, for all intents and purposes, and usually psychic and all that shit with your fellow water sign brethren, Pisces and sometimes Cancer.

You are a Fixed Sign: Which makes you rigid AF.

I apologize profusely for the late timing of this post. It being Scorpio Retrograde and such, these things happen. When I told my fellow Pisces editor that I was running behind, she already knew, because Pisces is psychic in a different way than Scorpio is. Pisces just “know.” Scorpio does as well, but more so they know your SOUL with a simple nod and a quick, wayward glance “size up.”

Confused? Let me break it down. So you’re at this party, and you’re chilling, talking to your friends, and there’s this person in the corner, maybe in a small group, maybe alone, drink in hand, and you feel like you’re being watched.

You are. And analyzed. And odds are that analysis is correct. The whole room is being analyzed. Bad vibes? The Scorpio dips out. Some good vibes? Scorpio finds that tribe and makes small talk, which is usually beneath them. Actually, the party, in general, is beneath them, in most cases, being the self-preserving introverts that they tend to be. But they’re probably doing a solid for the host of the party. A birthday or something. So there they are, doing due diligence by grinning and barring it until it’s safe to go home and decompress with some true crime or possibly real crime. It depends on the Scorpio.

There are typically three types of Scorps.

1: Scorpions, that’ll actually sting you because they can, and then themselves, because sometimes they can’t help themselves.

2: Highly evolved Scorpios. Those are the ones that you see in Phoenix form, rising from the ashes, regenerating to always make themselves and others better, wise, insightful, but oh so rare.

3: Scorpios, somewhere in the middle of the other two, depending on personal planets. Sometimes they sting, sometimes they read you like a book, and then offer insight that would put your therapist to shame even though they’ve only known you for 15 minutes.

Yeah, I would say that some of the best advice I have ever received has come from the mouths of one Scorpio or another. Being a Pisces Sun & Moon, I’m usually surrounded by a good handful of Scorpios. It got to the point where I could no longer afford both birthday and Christmas presents for all of these people. I decided each Scorp had to pick one or the other, and there was a $20 cap.

For a Scorpio that loves you, there is nothing they won’t do for you.

Each of them, like typical Scorpios, refused to acknowledge their birthdays and didn’t want money wasted on them for a Hallmark Channel Holiday.

And there’s the catch. It’s a test. Most things with Scorpios are a test. Usually of loyalty. Worse than Taurus, if you can possibly believe it. Or maybe you can, Taurus being Scorpio opposite.

The offer of any kind of gift was always declined. But if I didn’t deliver, I didn’t respect them in their eyes, and being disrespected does not sit well with Scorpio.

It’s like Capricorn sat down all of the Scorpios and schooled them on the many forms of disrespect they shouldn’t tolerate. The gift-giving test is one of them.

The solution; $10 Starbucks gift cards for birthdays. $10 iTunes or Amazon cards for Christmas. (You can get a lot of $10 cool stuff on Amazon. Check out our Amazon Shopping Post for further enlightenment.

Yeah, all three forms of Scorpio are for sure ride or die. If they sense even the slightest sense of betrayal, real or imagined, it’s over. Pray that you’re flat out ghosted. You don’t want to know what they’re capable of. Or, you’ve already seen damage done, and because of such would like to avoid the whole sign altogether. Self-hating Scorpios? I’ve seen it. It’s freaky.

But this post is not all Scorpio Shaming. Scorpios are amazing teachers, and they will sacrifice themselves to teach you. For a Scorpio that loves you, there is nothing they won’t do for you, and that includes taking the proverbial bullet for you. No matter how much “blood” they shed, they have your back.

However, that’s a gift only given once. You were supposed to learn something from a Scorpio sacrifice; like how to never let said situation ever happen again. Or, more so, what to do if it does. If you find yourself back where you started, don’t cry to Scorpio because they have already given you the tools to protect yourself. It’s not that they’re being cruel. It’s more like they’d be doing you a disservice always saving your ass. You’re better off learning what you should have been paying attention to and get on helping yourself.

No one dislikes a professional victim more than Scorpio. They’ve had to fight for everything to survive and then they hand you a “Get Out Of Jail” card for free? Don’t take that blessing for granted.

Finally, we can’t talk about any water sign without bringing up their psychic prowess. It’s what makes Scorpions know how to bring you to your knees, Phoenixes intrinsically know how to heal you, and Scorpios in general know who’s texting them without looking at the phone, or trying to light something on fire with their mind and possibly having some odd and unbelievable success with it.

However you take your Scorpio, Version 1, 2, 3, or combo there of, always remember that though they expect ride or die from you, they are willing to do the same for the ones that pass their tests. Not usually an easy feat. But once in Scorpio good graces, it’s actually a peaceful, quiet place full of deep thoughts, sacred moments, a strong arm to lean on, wisdom from an old soul.

So Happy Birthday, Scorpio. I know some of you are offended that this post is late. No disrespect. Just chill, take your Starbucks card, be a Pumpkin Spice Slut like my Capricorn husband suggests, and read on about the many versions of your famous selves…

In no particular order….

John Gotti: 10/27/40 – 6/10/02 At his highest, this Scorpion was the most powerful mob don in US history. He did every naughty thing that you can think of. He did so many naughty things that it would have made Tony Soprano run back to his playpen, grab his binky, and STFU. Of course, off he went to do time. You would assume that this Scorpion would somehow sting himself by pissing off the wrong person and peacing out with a cap in his ass. But instead, he did himself in with throat cancer and left his earthly body that way. RIP Don Gotti. I hope all of those smokey treats were worth it.

“Weird Al” Yankovic: 10/23 I mean, who doesn’t love “Weird Al”? Dave Ghorl said that it was an honor to have him parody one of your songs. It meant you “made it.”

However, not all artists felt that way. A certain Gemini by the name of Prince was not having it or having a sense of humor. So, having a Scorpio moment, “Weird Al” gave a shout out to all of his supporters, and threw Prince under the bus on national television.

Also hatin’ for a hot second was Lady Gaga, who wouldn’t give rights to a parody of “Born This Way” to his version called “Perform This Way.” I guess social media pressure mixed with “If it was good enough to Michael Jackson (who was a HUGE fan) it should be good enough for you. So she said “fine,” and “Perform This Way” was born and also funny as hell.

Scorpio Season
Instagram – @tazgarciaofficial

Tazito Garcia: 11/20 Jussssssttttt barely a Scorpio, but one none the less. He’s one of those, highly evolved, Phoenix kind. The kind that knows just what to say to be diplomatic and amiable, but still holds a firm ground. If you don’t know this name now, you will. A Scorpio that uses all that Scorpio power of possible self-destruction and translates it into a higher purpose zen form of visual art. Plus he has a cute puppy. Go IMDB this lovely Gentleman. And keep tuned to FEO Magazine for a steaming hot tea spill about the wonderfully talented, wise, philanthropic, and all-around cool dude, Tazito Garcia.

Drake: 10/24 So Jimmy from Degrassi, as I understand it, clawed his way onto the US charts with his own music for years before RiRi and Tootsie Slide. Every time he was kicked down, he stood up taller, and stronger. Now he’s allegedly the most successful rapper of his generation, and he no longer takes calls from anyone that he used to co-star with back in Canada. (I have no idea if that’s true…just making a Ha Ha)

Hilary Clinton: 11/26 People claim that she lost the US election because she was a woman and she wasn’t likable. As far as I remember, she was likable to the American People, because she won the popular vote. It was the people that had to work with her that didn’t like her. She was too blunt, too smart, too intimidating, maybe too scary, maybe too mean, maybe she did try to shank a Senator in the bathroom? Maybe she asked too many questions to get to the truth behind the truth, as a Scorpio may do? Who knows?

All I know is Scorpio regenerates. Which leads us to…

Joe Biden: 11/20 I actually haven’t seen his chart, because I don’t want to know. But here again, a Scorpio, willing to take the bullet to save what he loves. Actually, he’d be taking a lot of bullets, so that’s a lot of love. I don’t know what’s going to happen in November, coming right out of retrograde. But I do know that no matter how chips fall, if they look shady, that Scorpio stinger of Biden is going to come out, and we’ll have some Political WWE going on up in here.

I bet other countries have money bets on our election. Crap. I bet Vegas has money bets on our election.

Anyway….

Bill Gates: 10/28 In a nutshell, another Phoenix Scorpio that created an empire, stepped back, looked at it, and smiled at what his tenacity built. Then looked at his bank account, smiled and said, “I have enough money, let’s give the rest away.” That’s probably the biggest bullet a Scorpio, much less anyone can take.

Leonardo DiCaprio: 11/11. I think it was Madonna who once said something to the extent of “What 20-something knows anything about life? Except for Leonardo DiCaprio.” Pretty much, if Leo is in the film, you can put money down that it’s a good film. Scorpios are not in the game to make themselves look like damn fools. Everything this man does is vetted and carefully thought out. And he, like his Brother in Scorpio Joaquin Phoenix, sometimes go for those cringy roles that others wouldn’t touch with a 50-foot pole, and embrace them, making the character unforgettable. Scorpio is not afraid to get dirty and do what needs to get done to get the job done to perfection. Again, taking that bullet for our entertainment, and showing off their ability to transform and regenerate into character to further grow for their own being.

Seth MacFarlane: 10/26 This man is the master of dark humor. I mean, I sometimes feel dirty and guilty for laughing at his jokes in his shows because scratched down, they aren’t funny. Scorpio likes to push you to see where you cross on the line of the dark side. Are you going to laugh at that horrible joke with hilarious context, or are you going to tweet some pissed off shit that’ll never go viral?

But something I’ve noticed is that MacFarlane is sometimes the butt of his own jokes. The endless 9/11 jokes are because he was supposed to be on one of those planes that hit the Twin Towers. I think it was the one out of Boston. But he missed his flight. And, in my opinion, his coping skills for dealing with coming that close to his own mortality comes out with a baby giving “9/11” as an acceptable answer on Family Feud for “Name a Holiday.”

I’ll still watch his stuff. I mean, I have members of my family that could easily pass for Lois Griffin’s parents. But I wonder what other traumas did MacFarlane bury into his cartoons so we could laugh at his pain. Or more so, say “f*ck you” that he survived, and won.

Categories: Inspired

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